Male Dating Strategy Reddit
R/TheRedPill currently has over 260,000 subscribers and claims to offer “discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.” R/MarriedRedPill, a. Through Reddit, I learned of the burgeoning community, or subreddit, r/FemaleDatingStrategy. FDS stood out as novelty in the space, as the vast majority of content about dating, seduction, etc is created by men for other men. I was intrigued by the concept of dating strategies for women.
You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”
“Rabbit hole” would be one way to describe the thriving subculture perpetuating gender essentialism, alpha-beta nonsense, and anti-feminism that has spawned the current generation of men’s rights activists (MRAs) and pick-up artists (PUAs). The popular subreddit called /r/theredpill, or “The Red Pill” (also commonly referred to as TRP), takes its name from The Matrix and has a sprawling following on Reddit and beyond.
What exactly is The Red Pill? Here’s your explainer on an internet famous ideology that’s even scarier than having an entire existential crisis in Laurence Fishburne’s sunglasses.
Sex as transaction, men as the oppressed
The Red Pill defines itself as a “discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.” This gets succinctly at two pieces that are central to the philosophy. One is primarily focused on sex as a transaction; secondly, it is based on the notion that men are oppressed, primarily by feminism.
The community itself is incredibly organized. A long sidebar on main page links you to rules and guidelines for postings, 101 guides to terms and concepts, and theory readings.
At the core is the concept of an alpha-beta masculinity spectrum, alpha being the ideal that men want to be, and women want to bone. The goal is self improvement by moving toward the alpha side through a variety of techniques. Some are as innocuous as sharing fitness tips, but most involve analyzing, dissecting, or manipulating behavior in relationships.
The subredditors have compiled a very handy glossary, which is essential if you want to even casually skim some posts. If you can make it through that without feeling nauseated, congratulations — you’re probably a bad person. Keep in mind, this is some of the language that has caused pick-up artists to be banned from entire countries and fueled Elliot Rodger’s shooting spree.
The ideology revolves entirely around heterosexual relationships. There does not seem to be much room for LGBT folks, or perhaps it just doesn’t appeal to them as much. I did find one post by a self-identified gay who joked, “As a gay TRP member, I feel like I should do an AMA.”
Some of the advice and debate is not entirely bad, but the language and discussion is incredibly demeaning to women, using dehumanizing terminology like ‘plate’ and ‘hamstering’. Which brings us to the even more mystifying:
Who are the women of Red Pill?
The very first rule of TRP main page states: “TRP’s mission is to discuss men’s identity, sexual strategy, and options in the context of our current global culture for the benefit of men.” (emphasis theirs). So I was curious what exactly was going on over at the RedPillWomen.
Here, there is noticeably less emphasis on dating and more on maintaining an already existing relationship. The first page already reveals more posts on fitness and maintaining physical appearance than I saw on the TRP (which is not exclusively for men, but seems to be dominated by them). Both the men and women are interested in modifying their own behavior. Red pill women feels a little less gross, probably because it is more about keeping a relationship than snagging or avoiding one. Most red pill women are already married or in long term relationships with men, and were introduced to TRP philosophy through their partners. (Incidentally, “partner” is not a term they use much).
One noticeable addition to the vocabulary was “shrew”, a term women use to refer to other women or themselves before “swallowing the pill”. They also use “bitchy” quite frequently and subscribe to the concept of AWALT (all women are like that). My patience was being shit tested at this point in my reading.
Again, there are some good concepts in there, such as communication and reciprocating affection, but it is so couched in demeaning language that it still feels unhealthy. The most positive thing I can say about the discussion is that there is some genuinely civil and thoughtful rapport going on, and the community is largely supportive of its members.
Advanced Red Pill tactics, on “hard mode”
MarriedRedPill also exists. After a bit of browsing, this subreddit also seems to be populated primarily by men. The focus is on maintaining a relationship, which is less predatory than the pick-up artist/plate shit on the main TRP. One thing that hasn’t changed is that it’s still all about sex. Maintaining a marriage involves a lot of making sure she’s still putting out.
After spending some time on RedPillWomen, the whole thing was starting to bother me less. When both partners are interested in a RedPill lifestyle, then it’s just two consenting adults trying to strengthen their relationship through a means they agree on. What makes this creepy is that the wives are often not privy to the philosophy and probably aren’t aware of how much they are being manipulated or discussed on the internet.
A lot of this is not out-there advice, but it could be achieved without the obsessive theorizing and cultish language. “Y’all are hamstering way too much,” I mutter as I skim the third consecutive post by a dude analyzing a scene in which he does or does not have sex with his wife.
There is also a Red Pill Parenting site. I was going to tell you more about it, but one of the first posts is titled “Protecting your little girls from sluttiness” and the description says “developing a positive identity for boys and realistic expectations for our girls.” You guys, I’m so tired.
Turns out flesh interfaces are not even remotely the creepiest thing on Reddit.
What remains unclear to me is how this is actually an enlightened, red pill ideology, when it’s really just same shit, different name on a slightly more organized platform. Here’s a palate cleanser of bell hooks memes for you.
When it comes to dating tips for women, one size doesn’t fit all. A young woman in her teens or 20s dates A LOT differently than a woman in her 30s and 40s. And while most woman generally want the same outcome, there are certain things women in their 30s and 40s know about dating that they disregarded or simply didn’t focus as much on in their younger years.
That’s why we talked to some of today’s top dating experts to see what they saw as the most important advice women in their 30s and 40s dating today should think about. After going through what they had to say, we came up with these 15 top dating tips for women who are out of their 20s and ready for something more serious.
1. Know your non-negotiables.
These would be those instant deal breakers of yours—he’s a smoker, a non-monogamist, a cat-lover, etc.—that instantly tell you to move on so you’re not wasting your time. “What are those three things that are not negotiable when you’re looking for a relationship?” asked relationship expert Dr. Melanie Mills. “Try not to include physical or financial attributes. Focus on character traits, personality type, and value systems.”
2. Don’t limit yourself.
“In your 20s you might have frowned when thinking about dating a guy with a child or one that had previously been married,” says Mills. But the chances are, if a man is is his 40s, there’s a higher probability he’s been married or has kids. “Stay open to men that have been divorced,” she adds.
3. Don’t lie. Don’t even inflate the truth.
Sure, you want to impress each other, but honesty from the start is a prerequisite to trust, says psychotherapist, Dr. Jennifer Freed. “If the picture or description of your date was inaccurate then the rest of the relationship will be likely be filled with deceptions too.”
4. Forget about any texting and calling rules.
Rules like ‘wait 3 days to call back’ no longer apply. “If you treat dating and love like a game, someone—or both of you—will end up the loser,” says host of, The Rendezvous with Simon and Kim on iHeart Radio, Simon Marcel Badinter. “If you want to, call back in the next 24 hours. It has to be honest and spontaneous if you want to be respected and start a healthy relationship.”
5. Pay attention to the red flags.
You know that feeling you get when you know something isn’t quite right? If your date can’t answer simple questions about where he works or acts super shady, chances are something weird is going on. “Listen to what your gut is telling you,” says Mills. And that goes for behaviors too. If he’s already getting on your nerves and it’s only the first date that’s another indicator that you’re just not going to work.
6. Know who you are as a person.
This is a complex one but necessary to surviving in a rapid dating world, says sex and relationship expert, Dr. Nikki Goldstein. “Building strength and self-confidence is key. The reality of it is, dating can be hard and feelings can be hurt. But if you know who you are and how you want to be treated then you won’t allow someone (or the dating scene) to continually hurt or discourage you.”
7. Be emotionally available.
Maybe your past relationships haven’t turned out like you wanted them to, or you feel like every date in the past month was a lemon. Well, get over it. “It’s still up to you to open your heart—and keep it open. This can be scary because you don’t want to get hurt. However, in order to grow and connect, you must be available and vulnerable,” says Mills.
8. Watch the alcohol.
Especially on date number one. Not only can getting drunk be risky and a turnoff, it also clouds your judgement. “Using substances like alcohol or drugs is not a good first date. It’s away to avoid a genuine connection,” says Freed.
9. Remember that dating is an exploration.
Dating should be fun and nothing more than a way to meet and get to know another person, who may or may not be fit to share your life with you. “[Dating] is not a commitment. There is no obligation involved with dating. No one owes anyone anything ever,” says Freed. It’s easy to get excited about someone and start planning your future together, but remember that you’re both just figuring out if you even like each other first. Don’t put pressure on things by feeling like you owe each other something, you don’t.
Reddit Female Dating Strategy Toxic
10. Know your sexual boundaries.
“Many women can confuse sex and sexual desires with a guy’s interest in them. He wants sex, she also wants sex but thinks him wanting sex means there is something more,” says Goldstein. “Explore your sexual boundaries and know where they are and why they’re there.” And, even more importantly, don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do just because you want to gain someone’s interest.
11. Don’t hide your enthusiasm or interest.
One of the dating tips for women we hear a lot is not to let a man know you like him, or to play hard to get. Well, that’s just wrong. Sure, a little mystery may be sexy in the beginning, but the game gets old fast. Even research shows that playing too much hard-to-get makes others like you less. At a certain point, you just have to let the man know you’re interested.
12. Be the date that you want to have.
It’s not only your date’s responsibility to make the date a success, it’s your responsibility too. “Engage in dialogue. Put the cell phone away. Be attentive. Ask questions. Don’t bring up your ex. Take an interest in the details of his life by listening, paraphrasing, and engaging,” says Mills.
13. Ditch the dating wish list.
Have your non-negotiables and boundaries, but dating with a strict itemized wish list—he must make this much, be this tall, drive this car, be this funny—will only hold you back from men who could be great for you in real life and limit you to men who only look good on paper, says Goldstein. “If you need a wish list it should be small and include feeling words instead of car makes and job titles,” she adds.
Male Dating Strategy Reddit Videos
14. Have fun and release the pressure.
It’s normal to feel pressure as you watch your friends get married and have children, but remember that every person’s path is different. “You don’t want to settle down with a guy who’s not right for you. Therefore, release the pressure you place on yourself to lock down your next date as your future husband. Take each date one date at a time and have fun,” says Mills.
15. Be your true self.
Any falseness or pretending will stop you from knowing that someone is into you. “If you’re real, you’ll get real results. Be brave, be true, and most of all, believe that someone will celebrate and desire you,” says Freed.
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